genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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