He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
