ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
