Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
