Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
