Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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