she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
