it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need water and some morals
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
