I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
