I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
