Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's official drugs can't kill me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
