hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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