you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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