I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
