Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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