I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
