Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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