but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
