I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
