I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
