I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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