also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
