I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
