the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
