i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
