im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
