Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
