As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
