mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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