Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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