Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
