I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
