Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize