what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
