I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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