I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
