You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
