i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
