just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
