TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We need to rekindle our bromance
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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