youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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