so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
