Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
