Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
