Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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