My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
