I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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