He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
