does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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