So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
