I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
