Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
