all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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