Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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