yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
