I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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