Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
