Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
