I smell stomach acid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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