I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
