My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
