i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
