So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
