I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
